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HOW TO BE A COOL GREEK STUDENT IN ENGLAND !

1. Wear clothes of two colors: black or white.

2. Own a mobile phone and use it at inappropriate times and places

restaurants, cafes, lectures, dates.

3. Own a mobile phone and make sure its stood up in full view on the

table when you are having your 'cafe'.

4. Keep checking your mobile for calls even if nobody has called you.

5. Refer to anyone who's not Greek as "xeni" and pity them for not being

as cultured and sophisticated as the Greeks.

6. Have predominantly Greek friends, with a few token "xeni" thrown in

for diversity. Talk Greek when the "xeni" are around.

7. Dress as though you are headed for a club when you're actually going

to your lectures.

8. If you are a Greek woman, stare menacingly at other women around you,

especially if they're English or more attractive than you.

9. Smoke as if it were your last day on earth...and smoke only Marlboros.

10. Travel only in groups of 10 or more & be as loud as possible at

all times.

11. If you own a car, think you are the coolest guy in town and cruise

around all day even if you own a B reg. Yugo.

12. If you own a Nissan Bluebird, swear at anyone that thinks you are a

Pakistani taxi driver.

13. If you're single, go to all Greek college/club parties and all Greek

Youth conferences, even if you're 45 years old.

14. When you go to Greek parties, greet everyone ecstatically with hugs

and kisses even if you have seen them that morning.

15. If you're a single Greek guy, tell 'agglides' you're a "successful

businessman" or that you "own a successful business back in Greece" even

if you're an unemployed goat farmer.

16. When in a nightclub, stand and bob your head even if everyone around

you is frantically dancing away to 'Staying Alive'.

17. Dance away like you've been hit by 1000volts when your favourite house

tune comes on, and hit everyone around you with your swinging arms.

18. Call all dance music 'rave'.

19. Wear only "designer" labels-even if you buy them off a cart on a

sidewalk in Soho.

20. Make sure "designer" labels are extremely visible, preferably

embroidered on the front of the apparel.

21. If you're a Greek guy, be indifferent and rude to any woman you're

interested in dating, especially if she's Greek.

22. If you're a Greek guy, date 'agglides' because Greek women won't let

you near their knickers unless you marry them.

23. If you're a Greek woman, don't have sex with anyone during your

student life because you're worried what everybody else will think.

24. Wear a leather jacket at ALL times...even in the summer.

25. Guys: if you have hair, get it cut every week and use at least 3

different styling products; if you're bald, develop a big ego to mask

your insecurity. (Applicable to short men also.)

26. If you are a Greek woman, dye your hair an obviously fake shade of

blonde that is nonexistent in nature and swear that it's natural.

27. Make the coffee shop your second home.

28. Live in London and think the rest of the Greeks in England

are 'horiates'.

29. Beer must only be drunk from bottles of Becks or Budweiser.

30. Go to none of your lectures but still manage to pass your year.

31. Don't do a project unless you can copy it from a friend of yours in

the year above, even if it is a 50 word essay.

32. Study one of these two subjects : Engineering, Business/ Economics

33. Go out with 'agglides' because it seems like all the Greek women that

come to England look like your grandmother's ass.

34. Smoke dope because you know you won't get arrested for it.

35. Whenever you break the law, pretend you don't speak English and hope

they let you off. For example: never ever buy a TV license!

36. Bring around 5.000 duty free cigarettes with you every time you come

back from Greece.35.Smoke them all in a week.

37. If you live in London call yourself a 'Londrezos.'

If you live in Birmingham call yourself a 'Broomis'

If you live in Manchester call yourself a 'Manchesterianos

If you live in Liverpool call yourself a 'Liverpooleos'

If you live in Cardiff call yourself a 'sheep shagging Welsh bastard'

If you live in Sheffield call yourself a 'Sefildakias'

If you live in Aberdeen call yourself 'stou dialou ti mana'

38. Study 'Greek style' by failing your first year twice and your second

year three times so that you can be a student for ten years.

39. Spend the whole of your university life within one mile of your

University campus and never go and visit places in England.

40. Spend Ł400 a month on calls to Greece and still have enough money to

go to the 'boozookia'.

41. Chat up all the women in the club but settle for the fat, ugly 45 year

old because you have 'ouzo' goggles.

42. And finally: Have sex with 2 'patsoures' in your 5 years in England

and tell everyone back home that they are all 'mounares' and you shagged a

different one every weekend.(Embedded image moved to file: pic25809.pcx)

43. Speak Greek 18 hours per day but make extensive use of English

whenever you visit home.

44. Refer to all English food as being the worse in the world (without

ever having tasted any), and have your "mama" or "giagia" send

you "keftedakia".